The Five Basic Rules of Tech Support
by Zube (zube@stat.colostate.edu)
Created:  Apr 16, 2009
Updated:  May  6, 2009
http://www.stat.colostate.edu/~zube/quantum.txt

The Five Basic Rules of Tech Support
------------------------------------

1) Don't Support Email

Elemental to be sure, but you might be surprised how many companies get
this wrong.  Email is like letter writing and who writes letters
anymore?  With email, people are able to write up detailed descriptions
of problems, send them to you and in the meantime do other things, like
work.  You most certainly do not want this.  You want your customer to
be thinking of your company and only your company while waiting
patiently and happily for support.

2) If You Do Support Email, Make Sure It's Only a Pointer

Some stupid people like email.  If they want email, you should give
them email, as the customer is always right.  Create a support address
such as support@companyname.com and when your loyal customers mail the
address they so desperately require, send them back a canned reply and
a pointer to a web form, a web chat or a phone number.  Although they
may claim otherwise, studies have shown that a canned reply is what
most email users desire when they mail a company support address.

3) Online Chats Are Wonderful.

Instant Messaging is Here!  Instant Messaging is Now!  People love 
Instant Messaging and so will your customers.  Nothing pleases them
more than sitting at a computer waiting in a queue for the next 
available representative, because the anticipation of chatting is
even better than the chatting itself.   They may like chatting, but
they'll love the wait, so keep them in long queues and always remember 
that the most important word is 'no' .

4) Phone Queues Are Even Better.

Phone communication is the most ubiquitous method of communication on
the planet.  Tap into that buzz by making sure all primary support is
over the phone.  Sure, your customers will sometimes need to use other
methods to jump through your hoops (like filling out a web form or
emailing diagnostic information), but they won't mind if they also have
to sit in a long phone queue with obnoxious music sporadically
interrupted to remind them how wonderful your company is.  They'll
enthusiastically tell their friends, word will spread and your phone
queues will get even longer.  Never forget that long phone queues 
and successful companies are always found together.

5) Advanced Tech Support:  Mix It Up

For those companies that really want to wow them, give them a little of
everything.  You should look to Quantum Technologies, the tape drive
maker, as the Gold Standard.

First, offer phone support only, but outsource it to a third party.
Then, after people complain, allow people to fill out a web form to
start a case and ask for the user's email, but (and here's the part
that's pure genius), just ignore it.  Throw it on the floor!  Bother
that nonsense!  Instead, call them back.  Yes, when people fill out a
web form, what they want more than *anything* is a phone call in
return.

But don't go only half the way!  What is a cake without icing?  
Tech support should be about a deep passion for complete service.

If your user has diagnostic information, give them an email address to
send it to.  Then, if they request further information via email, 
ignore it!  Throw that on the floor too, HA!  Now the floor is getting
cluttered, but you have a broom!  If they send further emails to the 
address you gave them, add those to the pile as well.  It's OK because
the broom is wide and the garbage bag is 2 mil.

If, somehow, the user gets the information s/he needs and wants to, 
for example, send something in for repair, send him/her to a web page
to fill out address and credit card information.  See, it's a grand slam:  

phone for contact
email for diagnostic information
web page for payment

Grand slams are important.  All Americans love baseball and therefore
grand slams, so you need to always be trying to Hit the Grand Slam of 
Tech Support.  Batter up Amit, I mean Bill.

******

Following these Five Basic Rules will insure that your company meets
with technical support success unexpected in common hours.