Better Living through Losing
by Zube (zube@stat.colostate.edu)
Created:  Apr 16, 2011
Updated:  Apr 17, 2011
http://www.stat.colostate.edu/~zube/losing.txt

Video games fascinate me, especially when I fail at them.

Their excitement is unique, but so is the frustration I feel when
my progress stops.  The anger starts out slowly and builds to where
I'm questioning first my prowess, then my own self-worth and finally
my sanity.  It's madness.

Still, a recent battle with SNES Tetris Attack lead me to consider
an interesting question:

Why does losing suck?

Losing sucks because our brains give us negative feedback when
we fail about something we care about.  It's almost certainly an
evolved trait.  In nature, failing is bad, often deadly.  Those who
decided that it was OK to play with the local lion probably didn't
survive long enough to reproduce.

So we have this survival trait, but like many other traits it isn't
adapted for modern society.  When Bowser wins again, the wall gets
another hole and we feel angry and upset far out of proportion to
the game's importance to our lives.

So, what do to?

The trick is to reinterpret the feedback.  

When I lose, the first thing I normally think through the haze of
anger is: 

"I suck, I'm not good enough, this isn't fair, damn it all!" 

and things spiral down until I have to get out the Spackle.  If, instead, 
I train myself to think:

"losing only means try again"

I find that three good things come of out it:

1) Since my self-worth is not called into question, I don't feel quite
as defensive and angry when I fail.

2) Playing is far more enjoyable.

3) I'm more likely to ultimately succeed at the game, since anger and
frustration are not often conducive to playing well.

[Note: "try again" not "try harder"; trying harder is often not
a good strategy.  There are many skills that cannot be instantly
willed into existence regardless of how hard one tries.  Also,
there is an upper limit on trying harder.  Gradually gaining skills
through practice and patience often leads to success, but a quick shift 
into fifth gear leads only to a blown engine.]

In sum, losing is never as much fun as winning, but losing is never
a total loss.  We may not be able to change the signals we receive,
but we also need not be bound by their original meaning.  Perhaps
learning to reinterpret some of the hard-wired messages our brains
send is one of the small secrets to happier living in a modern world.