What Microsoft Has Done to Me
by Zube (zube@stat.colostate.edu)
Created:  Oct 15, 2008
Updated:  Oct 18, 2008
http://www.stat.colostate.edu/~zube/msdone.txt

***

Anyone remember the original Windows Update?

I do and what I remember most was that it was fast.  I also remember
feeling guilty because MS had done something that actually worked well,
so well in fact that I sheepishly admit to liking it.

There were problems, of course.  Some patches weren't available without
going through a zillion-step process, it worked better on 95/98 than on
NT, etc.  But I was impressed.

Like most good things, it didn't last.  MS took the Active-X road and
required that the AU and BITS services be running before it would work.
Nowadays, especially on older machines, it can be so slow that one can 
nap between mouse clicks.  It also can run for minutes before coming back
with the dreaded Red X, the MS Sign of Failure.  During these times, I 
often find myself spirited away to my Commodore/Atari/Apple tape days 
when a 30 minute wait to load a game would end with "Error in Line 0."  
Because of this, I try to avoid Windows Update when I can in favor of the 
actual patches and a simple batch file.

History frequently repeats itself, as least in the computer world.

Office Update also impressed me initially.  It had most of the flavor
of the old Windows Update:  it was fast and rarely failed.  Then,
MS added the Office Genuine Advantage check, which has done so much
to prevent piracy.  Still, it worked and was fast.

Then the October 2008 Patch Day came around.  Office Update had a
slightly different look ("it's new and improved") and didn't work well
anymore.  About 1 out of every 3 machines I tried to patch using Office 
Update failed to download the patches and nothing short of a reboot could 
fix it.  So I was left with downloading and applying the patches by hand.
This works but is many times slower than Office Update, so I have a lot 
of time to kill.  I hope Mr. Nash will forgive me:

***

Microsoft
Should be heaved aloft
Update, please wait
Irritation, then hate
Apply we must, all of the patches
While I dream of gas and matches
Second Tuesday, missing dinner
Doctor says I'm looking thinner
Years of pain have made me mirthless
MS thinks my time is worthless
Hoping for a good solution
Joking of some restitution
I ask for much, I get a giggle
I ask for less, I get Bill's butt wiggle

***

This, *this* is what Microsoft has done to me.

Save yourself before it is too late.